The first couple of weeks in the program were an adjustment for me, I had never ever lived with that kind of Christians before. They lived out what they belived and they started to challenge me on my beliefs and my problems.... like deciption, that was the worst for me, but over all it was my lack of a daily walk with Christ. I also had to learn how to get along with others who had some of the same problems I had. I did write a short testimony a while ago .........Here it is ...
Growing up I had a problem with being honest. I lied because it
made me feel safe. No one would know what I had been through if I
lied and so I reasoned that they wouldn’t treat me differently. So I
learned at an early age to just keep covered up. This problem grew
until I just naturally lied all the time. I lied about little things and I
lied about big things. It affected all my relationships. I didn’t trust
anyone and I knew no one trusted me. Although some people knew
about my lying no one ever confronted me on it before, at least not in
a godly way. Eventually, this lifestyle got me into trouble.
I had no idea when I first came to Beth-haran that this would even be
an issue. I had been lying for about the past sixteen years and I
certainly wasn’t planning on changing that now. I thought that in
coming to Beth-haran I could just escape from my past and cover it
up. I thought I could start a new life and no one would know. But
that wasn’t what God had in mind for me. I saw, lived out around me
here, people who were honest. This was new to me. The staff here
was very concerned about my past and about my lying and
confronted me and together we began to work on it. At the same
time, I began to work on my relationship with God and get things
right with Him. He convicted me of my need to bear His character,
of which one attribute is honesty.
Now, seven months later, I can actually say I am learning to be an
honest person. Don’t get me wrong, I still have along way to go and I
fail sometimes. In fact, I think this will always be a struggle in my
life. The difference is that I have a God who is still working in my
life and a family now who will help me get back up on my feet.
When I blow it I have hope because I know that He is still working
on me.
As I am becoming less deceptive I am experiencing people around
me starting to trust me. This is also new to me. It is really hard to
explain how good this feels. I also feel more clean before the Lord as
I learn to obey Him. This is helping me to feel more accepted in His
sight.
I know I still have a long way to go. I am only learning to take little
steps in the right direction. One thing I’ve realized is that I had been
trying to carry my burden alone. It felt like I was carrying a huge
mattress on my shoulders wherever I went. When people wanted to
help me it was as if I was saying, “No, No, I can carry this alone.” I
am seeing the value of being transparent to the people God has
placed in my life to help me. One day I came across this passage and
it expresses the way I feel.
Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one
thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth
unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the
prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as
many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise
minded, God shall reveal even this unto you.
Growing up I had a problem with being honest. I lied because it
made me feel safe. No one would know what I had been through if I
lied and so I reasoned that they wouldn’t treat me differently. So I
learned at an early age to just keep covered up. This problem grew
until I just naturally lied all the time. I lied about little things and I
lied about big things. It affected all my relationships. I didn’t trust
anyone and I knew no one trusted me. Although some people knew
about my lying no one ever confronted me on it before, at least not in
a godly way. Eventually, this lifestyle got me into trouble.
I had no idea when I first came to Beth-haran that this would even be
an issue. I had been lying for about the past sixteen years and I
certainly wasn’t planning on changing that now. I thought that in
coming to Beth-haran I could just escape from my past and cover it
up. I thought I could start a new life and no one would know. But
that wasn’t what God had in mind for me. I saw, lived out around me
here, people who were honest. This was new to me. The staff here
was very concerned about my past and about my lying and
confronted me and together we began to work on it. At the same
time, I began to work on my relationship with God and get things
right with Him. He convicted me of my need to bear His character,
of which one attribute is honesty.
Now, seven months later, I can actually say I am learning to be an
honest person. Don’t get me wrong, I still have along way to go and I
fail sometimes. In fact, I think this will always be a struggle in my
life. The difference is that I have a God who is still working in my
life and a family now who will help me get back up on my feet.
When I blow it I have hope because I know that He is still working
on me.
As I am becoming less deceptive I am experiencing people around
me starting to trust me. This is also new to me. It is really hard to
explain how good this feels. I also feel more clean before the Lord as
I learn to obey Him. This is helping me to feel more accepted in His
sight.
I know I still have a long way to go. I am only learning to take little
steps in the right direction. One thing I’ve realized is that I had been
trying to carry my burden alone. It felt like I was carrying a huge
mattress on my shoulders wherever I went. When people wanted to
help me it was as if I was saying, “No, No, I can carry this alone.” I
am seeing the value of being transparent to the people God has
placed in my life to help me. One day I came across this passage and
it expresses the way I feel.
Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one
thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth
unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the
prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as
many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise
minded, God shall reveal even this unto you.
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